Entries Tagged 'Relationships' ↓

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I strongly believe that a true leader should make an impact on every single person he starts a conversation with. It’s the best way to stand out from the crowd and to be remembered. So here’s my personal guide to being the person in any room or place.

Remember people’s names

A person’s name is the sweetest word to them in any language. Try to remember names, they’re often quite simple and short. It shows that you’ve taken interest in your conversation mate and you’ve made an effort to remember him or her.

This can be quite tough. However, I tend to associate a name with a visual. It could be a face, the person’s phone or something they often do. This easy technique really helps when names do matter.

It’s all about them

Isn’t it interesting how you can be a perceived great conversationalist without having said anything of value? Well, just learn to listen properly.

Often people start conversations with great enthousiasm because they’ve found a listener. In exchange, most of them will listen back. But the better conversationalist and true leader will understand what others care for. They’ll look into others’ passions and encourage them to speake about what they love.

Communicate your ideas clearly

Respect the time of your listener or reader. Also have in mind the fact that their attention is quite limited. They’ll not be willing to listen to you unless you communicate your ideas as soon and as clearly as possible.

Use short, easy-to-understand words. Don’t use slang or terminology. Look at the person’s eyes and feel when they don’t really understand what you’re trying to say. If needed, repeat it.

Master your body language

Let me explain it as simple as I can: don’t cross your legs or hands. Stand up straight when talking and look people at the eyes. Do relatively slow, relaxed movements with purpose. Avoid nervous signs such as shaking legs or scratching yourself. Don’t touch or cover your face while talking. And always look as fresh as possible. Nobody likes a tired listener showing no interest.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts! The list seems complete to me, but if you have any more tips on how to make an impact, please share them in the comments. I wish you a successful and pleasant day.

Complain as little as possible. It’s the easiest thing you can do to become a nicer person who respects others and who doesn’t bother them with his problems.

It also helps you build a more positive attitude towards everyday life that influences your actions and other people’s state of mind. You know that’s not a secret, but people tend to like others who don’t complain and who are more convinced of their own power and possibilities.

Scientists have proved that less complaining lowers your stress levels and increases your happiness mood. So, please, in your sake and the sake of the people who you value, complain less.

Image by Lotus Head

If we can learn something about being a good communicator, it will be from Dale Carnegie. He was one of the earliest speakers and founders of the self improvement industry that nowadays spans the globe.

So if you haven’t read one of his best books called How To Win Friends And Influence People, I really recommend doing it. In this article I’ll share Dale’s top 10 tips on becomming a great communicator that became golden for me. Ones that I try to follow each day and each time I speak.

Dale Carnegie’s 10 Golden Tips

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Become genuinely interested in other people.
4. Smile.
5. Be a good listener.
6. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
7. Make the other person feel important.
8. If you’re wrong, admit it.
9. Show respect to the other person.
10. Let others do a great deal of the talking.

The book was first published in 1953, but the advice it contains have proved timeless. Mobile phones, social networks, VoIP communication often make us forget the basics of being a likeable person, such as the ten above. That’s why the few people who still remember them stick out from the crowd. So why not be one of them?

Being modest of your success is more impressive than showing off about it. It shows a high level of communication culture, it expresses your equality with the person you’re talking to and your satisfaction with your own achievements.

The modesty of a Nobel Prize winner

What got me thinking is an interview with the nobel economist Gary Becker. The reporter was so impressed by his modest way of behavior despite his great economical achievements, that he wrote big part of  the introduction about it. Here’s what he said:

Slumped in a soft chair in a noisy hotel coffee lounge, the 78-year-old University of Chicago professor is relaxed and remarkably humble for a guy who has achieved so much. As I pepper him with the economic and financial riddles of our time, I am impressed by how many times his answers, delivered in a pronounced Brooklyn accent, include an “I think” and sometimes even an “I don’t know the answer to that.” It is a reminder of why he is so highly valued. In contrast to a number of other big-name practitioners of the dismal science, he is a solid empiricist genuinely in search of answers — not the job as the next chairman of the Federal Reserve. What he sees is what you get.

Quote from Wall Street Journal

Let’s call this a reverse effect of expressing feelings. If professor Becker wasn’t humble and modest of his success, he wouldn’t have impressed the reporter. The more you brag and show off what you’re proud of, the more others think that you’re not satisfied and that’s why you need to show off publically.

So by underrating your achievements when talking to others, they’ll see them as even more valuable and you’ll make an impression of a nice, humble person.

It’s all about voice tone and words

Speak of yourself using a calm and relaxed voice. Don’t sound too excited. This shows to others that you have self-acceptance. Any strong feeling about yourself means that you have disbalance in your mind and you need to think things over.

Use phrases like “I think”, “If you ask me”, “In my opinion” when asked to express a point of view. This demonstrates that you accept others’ opinions and don’t think of yourself as superior or right about everything.

Thank you for choosing our centuries-old product, called Friendship. It has been designed and improved to be easy to use for every customer. Thanks to the Internet, we have expanded its capabilities online. Now, interaction and communication with other users is as easy as pie.

Tips for proper use of Friendship:

1. Be a nice and positive person. In order to attract attention and interest, smile, think optimistically and don’t complain or criticize.
2. Become a good listener. Everyone wants to be heard. And since social networks and chat programs were put into massive use, less people have been learning the art of being a good listener offline. So being one will be greatly appreciated by others.
3. Make the other person feel important. Listen to them, ask them questions, talk about their interests (not yours), show them appreciation and be kind. Express happiness and thankfulness.
4. Talk when you have something to say. Sharing stupid or boring things will not make your interesting for other people. Talk only when you have something to say. You’ll realize how many things you can say once you start talking less.
5. Show respect. Don’t argue with others and never say the word combination “You’re wrong.” It’s the worst thing you can say. Unless somebody’s life depends on it, don’t express (publicly or personally) their wrongness.
6. When you’re wrong or sorry, express it. There’s nothing wrong in showing respect towards somebody by admitting to him or her that you made a mistake and that you’re sorry about that. There’s no need to lie down on your knees and forget about your self-respect. But sorry and I was wrong are two words with magic value, since few others use them.
7. Ask questions and don’t give orders. A friend has a bigger chance of doing something when you ask them for it. Telling them do DO it now will work very rarely – it’s a token of disrespect and superiority. Friends are considered to be equal and appreciative to one another.
8. Encourage others for action. Even when somebody has made a big mistake, tell them it’s easy to correct. Motivate and encourage them to improve their lives – it will really help them. And such kind of help is hard to forget.

For more tips, please refer to Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends And Influence People. Otherwise, you can check out our Friendship manual’s section called How To Win Friends for more detailed instructions.

Friendship troubleshooting

1. If the other person doesn’t respect you, don’t even try to become friends.
2. If you don’t respect the other person, you’ll get the same from them. In friendship, you get more from the other person of what you feel. So if you like them, they’ll like you. If they irritate you, you’ll irritate them. It’s as simple as that.
3. When a conflict arouses, try to deal with it verbally, avoiding aggression. A simple dispute can ruin great friendships unless treated carefully. Express your sorriness and let the other person realize they’re wrong.

Now you’re ready to use Friendship. Have a wonderful life!